How to Heal from Emotional Abuse at Work: A Survivor's Guide
Someone recently asked about resources for getting over workplace abuse, and I found myself pausing. How do you sum up a healing journey that's been years in the making and is still ongoing? How do you explain that recovery from workplace abuse trauma isn't just about "getting over it" and moving on, or finding the right website or book?
Healing from workplace trauma is complex, deeply personal, and takes time. Whether you've experienced emotional abuse at work, workplace betrayal, or systematic bullying, there's no quick fix, no magic formula, and certainly no universal timeline. But there are resources and approaches that can help, so I want to share what worked for me in the hope that it might help someone else struggling with workplace abuse recovery. Whether you call it office betrayal, workplace bullying, mobbing, or harassment, the healing process involves similar challenges and requires similar support systems.
Finding Support After Emotional Abuse at Work
The people who love you will want to help, and their support is invaluable. But here's what I learned the hard way: many people won't truly understand what you've been through especially if you've experienced emotional abuse at work or systematic workplace betrayal, unless they've experienced workplace abuse themselves. They may even gaslight you because the harm you experienced is just too evil for them to fathom. I lost a few friends for this very reason.
Also, just like how many people say stupid things after the loss of a loved one, well-meaning friends might say the wrong things. For example, "you're better off without that job", without realizing that workplace trauma can shake your confidence and even your sense of reality. Some might suggest you're being "too sensitive" or dwelling on the past.
I was fortunate to have an extremely supportive partner at home who went over and over what happened to me as he was as baffled as I was (and at times more angry). This helped me process what happened and was a tremendous source of validation and emotional support. Turning to others also helped, as no one person can provide everything you need. (This is true in life in general!)
Another benefit to relying on friends and family is that they truly get who you are as a human being. Being reminded of that can be very reassuring after you have been gaslit for months or years. I still remember a friend remarking about my superiors who accused me of some BS: “they really don’t know you very well”. Whew, that was gold right there.
It also helped to call on colleagues who knew my field. Especially women colleagues who knew the male players who, as I learned, had a previous pattern of stealing work from women. Talking to people with previous experience either with the same abusers or just the same tactics, helped a lot. It made me feel heard and understood. A little empathy goes a long way. (I wrote more about relying on friends here.)
Getting Therapy for Workplace Betrayal
Get a good therapist, one who specializes in the type of abuse you experienced. This was game-changing for me and it can take some time. Your previous therapist may not be right for this experience. For example, if you experienced sexual harassment, find someone who understands that specific dynamic. If you faced racial discrimination, work with someone who gets the unique impact of that experience. If you faced emotional abuse in the workplace, find someone who understands psychological manipulation and workplace trauma. If you faced psychological harassment at work, find a therapist who understands systematic workplace abuse patterns.
For me, I was able to find a narcissist recovery specialist after I stumbled on this amazing podcast. Working with someone who understood narcissistic abuse patterns helped me make sense of what had happened to me. This person even helped me realize that I had experienced narcissistic abuse in my family, which probably made me more vulnerable. After this acute period, I worked with a trauma specialist when I realized the longer-term impact I was still feeling. At that time I didn’t even know it was possible to experience trauma from work, I didn’t have the language yet.
The right therapist doesn't just listen, they help you understand that your reactions and ongoing pain are normal responses to abnormal treatment. If you are suffering more serious, physical consequences of trauma, you may need a therapist who specializes in trauma treatments along with additional healthcare specialists. If you're facing ongoing workplace abuse and need strategic advice, learn about my employment law services.
Understanding Emotional Abuse at Work Through Reading
Knowledge became my medicine. Reading books and resources that explained what I had experienced was like a balm to my soul. The overwhelming relief of realizing "OH, IT'S NOT JUST ME!" cannot be overstated. For me, this meant diving into books about:
Sexism at work, especially the unique challenges women leaders face (I had no idea how pervasive this really is)
Workplace bullying and the tactics bullies use
Narcissism and psychological manipulation
Being silenced by NDAs and other legal gag orders
Grief, loss, and transitions (because we must grieve the loss of our jobs, our sense of safety, sometimes our entire career trajectory).
I also found it helpful to read about workplace betrayal specifically - understanding how colleagues can systematically isolate and undermine you helped me realize my experience wasn't unique. I also read extensively about smear campaigns and how abusers systematically destroy reputations behind your back.
Not every book or article (or video, don’t forget YouTube, a tremendous resource for this topic) will resonate, but learning can help you understand the patterns. You'll start to see that what happened to you wasn't random, it was part of a predictable playbook that abusers use. Another benefit for me was reading a lot about what other marginalized groups experience, which is far worse in many ways; this allowed me to appreciate and acknowledge my own white privilege.
Why Healing from Workplace Betrayal Takes Time
There is no timeline for recovery. This might be the most important thing I learned. Our culture wants us to "bounce back" quickly, be resilient, and turn our pain into inspiration. But healing from emotional abuse at work doesn't work that way.
Take as much downtime as possible. If you can afford it, don't rush back to work immediately. I was fortunate to use my severance to take time off, and it was critical to my recovery. I know this isn't possible for everyone but look for any opportunity to reduce stress and create space for healing.
Let go of relationships that no longer serve you. If people in your life are draining your energy or making you feel worse about yourself, it’s time to step back from those relationships, even if they're family or old friends, or colleagues. Especially colleagues. Many will go away on their own (part of the betrayal) but some you need to let go of either because they don’t get it, or they don’t serve your needs anymore.
Be selfish with your time, your energy, and your emotional resources. This is especially hard for many women who have been conditioned to put others' needs above their own. But right now, your healing needs to come first.
How to Heal from Emotional Abuse at Work: Key Steps
Find specialized therapy - Work with trauma or narcissistic abuse specialists
Build your support network - Lean on people who truly know you
Educate yourself - Read about workplace abuse patterns to validate your experience
Give yourself time - Healing isn't linear and there's no timeline
Protect your energy - Be selective about relationships and commitments.
If your workplace abuse situation involves potential legal violations or you just need a strategic partner, contact me for a consultation to discuss your options.
You Can Recover from Emotional Abuse at Work
Whether you experienced workplace betrayal, emotional abuse in the workplace, or systematic bullying, your pain is valid. If you're reading this while in the midst of your own workplace trauma recovery, please know: you're not broken. You're not weak. You're not "too sensitive." You survived something that would have broken many people, and you're still here, still fighting, still trying to heal.
The fact that you're seeking resources and support shows incredible strength. The journey isn't easy, and it's not quick, but healing is possible. You deserve to feel safe, valued, and respected in your work life. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
If you're considering legal action or need strategic advice for workplace abuse, defamation, or wrongful termination, contact me to discuss your case.