Are You Working for a Narcissist?
During my sabbatical last year, I did a lot of reading about narcissism and especially how it shows up in the workplace. It’s a much larger problem than I realized.
While the rise of Donald Trump helped place the concept into the national conversation, I think his exaggerated personality has also done a disservice to the more nuanced ways that narcissism can rear its ugly head at work.
I recently took a 4-day workshop on “workplace bullying”, which is a massive problem hiding in plain sight. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute (I was surprised this is a thing too), as many as 30 percent of employees are bullied at work.
Bullies can show up in different ways, but narcissist behaviors are very common. To understand how, I read the book, “Narcissism at Work: Personality Disorders of Corporate Leaders”, by Marie-Line Germain, an academic who specializes in human resources and leadership.
While there are numerous articles out there on this phenomenon, Germain’s work has academic credibility.
She goes deep into the psychological literature, describing how the narcissistic leader’s ego is “fragile” and says they are “predominantly self-serving individuals who deceive others into making unreasonable sacrifices”.
Here are some signs of a narcissistic personality:
1) Demonstrates grandiosity and unrealistic self-perception, arrogance, vindictive
2) Requires constant approval and admiration / overly concerned with success
3) Hypersensitive to criticism, unwilling to compromise, perfectionism
4) Displays lack of empathy and incapable of seeing others’ point of view
5) Extreme sense of entitlement and envious nature
6) Abuse of power: serving personal goals to reinforce personal self-image, conceal inadequacies, enhance perception of performance
7) Inflicts damage on others: Bullying, coercion, damaging psychological well-being of others, inconsistent treatment of subordinates
8) Breaks rules to serve self: Engage in corrupt, unethical and sometimes even illegal behaviors
Germain also talks about how many traits of a narcissist leader tend to serve them well, at least at first: “Their sense of drama, their ability to manipulate others, their knack for establishing quick, superficial relationships serve them well in organized life”. These traits tend to get rewarded in companies and non-profit organizations, which explains why there is such a large proportion of narcissistic leaders in management positions.
Research suggests that narcissists generally make a positive first impression, as others perceive them to be charming and self-confident. She also describes the concept of “impression management”, a process where narcissists seek to influence the image that others have of them to reach a specific goal.
However, over time, this veneer wears thin and research shows a negative correlation between narcissism and leadership effectiveness because the narcissist has difficulty maintaining positive relationships with subordinates for long periods of time.
The Workplace Bulling Institute adds these abusive gaslighting behaviors:
- Blaming others for one’s mistakes
- Making unreasonable job demands
- Criticizing employees’ abilities
- Applying company policies inconsistently to punish an employee
- Threatening to discipline or fire an employee (retaliation)
- Insulting or putting down employees
- Discounting an employee’s accomplishments or stealing ideas
- Excluding employees from meetings or social events
If you are still not sure if your boss fits the profile, Germain also offers a list of questions you can ask yourself related to your experience at work:
1. Do you often feel your purpose is simply to listen to your leader’s list of talents?
2. Do you feel hesitant to share your opinion when it might differ from theirs?
3. Do you often feel like the outcome of your conversation depends on their mood?
4. Do you fear the leader’s anger, retaliation, or being cut off?
5. Does the relationship drain you or make you feel lonely?
6. Do you wonder where you stand in the relationship or the organization?
7. Do you often feel frustrated or resentful after communicating with them?
8. Do you sense your work and credibility are being undermined?
9. Are performance expectations often changing?
10. Do you feel an increasing mix of negative feelings, such as anxiety, intimidation, powerlessness, or inadequacy?
If any of this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Narcissism in the workplace is sadly extremely common. I will be writing more about the emotional and physical fallout from working in these sorts of toxic workplaces. If any of this sounds familiar, I highly recommend looking for another job as the long-term health impacts can be quite severe. There is even evidence of sustained workplace trauma altering the brain over time.
This is serious, no job is worth sacrificing your health. Save yourself. Get out.
Want to work with me to reduce narcissism in the workplace? Need help leaving your job? Contact me here.