Dear White Men of Natural Foods: Want to be a True Ally to Women? ASK US HOW
In the wake of the recent events related to Miyoko Schinner’s company, Miyoko’s Creamery, I have been hearing from numerous women experiencing similar forms of workplace theft and abuse. The news has also prompted much chatter on social media, especially given Miyoko’s huge social media following.
Watching how certain white men in the natural foods industry are responding to the situation reminded me of my own frustrated experiences in attempting to recruit white male allies. (More on this below.) It’s a simple truth that white men hold almost all the power in the natural foods sector, a reflection of the power white men enjoy more broadly in society.
Whenever I see a white man of influence in natural foods comment in support of Miyoko on LinkedIn, I make a simple request: To please use your white male privilege to contact the board members with the three venture capital firms responsible for unfairly ousting Miyoko from her own company and then filing a baseless lawsuit against her in an extremally defamatory and vindictive manner. It’s easy to comment in support. But true allyship means giving up something; for example, deploying your political capital.
I have made this ask maybe a dozen times now and only one man has responded positively. Most ignore me. One man took great offense, prompting him to post an entire screed about me, calling me names too vile to repeat here. This is a classic example of a fragile white male centering himself instead of the women being harmed.
There is a lot to say about his post and the thread that prompted it, but this man is not worth my time. I woke up this morning to yet another woman telling me how traumatized she is from her own similar experience, and she is who I am here to help.
If you want to know how to help Miyoko and other women like her, here is a tip: ASK US.
It’s really not that hard. I am tried of hearing “I don’t know what happened so I am staying out of it”. Except you’re not, just by saying that you are giving power over to the abusers. It’s not possible to remain neutral in a world full of oppression. “Staying out of it” means supporting the status quo, which is causing harm to women every single day.
The rest of this post I drafted some months ago, and hesitated to post it for the typical reason: Fear. Fear of being labeled with the usual sexist terms: angry, bitter, etc. But guess what? Not posting it didn’t help. And people are going to think whatever they think of me no matter what I do. So here goes.
Dear Men: Dos and Don’t to Help Women Network
Networking can be hard. It can be especially hard for women. But it doesn’t have to be.
Here are some do’s and don’ts.
Do listen, and do not interrupt. The phenomenon now referred to as “manterrupting” is well known by women who have to endure this pretty much every time we interact with men. It’s especially maddening when the purpose of the call is for the man to try and assist the woman in her networking. If you are interrupting, you are not listening to what she is looking for. You are also wasting precious time. Which leads me to…
Do not boast or mansplain. If a woman is coming to you for help, she’s not in need of hearing about your knowledge in her field, unless she is asking you a specific question. Everyone’s time is valuable, so don’t waste it showing off or mansplaining. (See a pattern here?)
Do not make obvious suggestions. If I woman has sought you out for advice or access to your network, it’s for a specific reason. She does not need to make condescending suggestions like: “Use LinkedIn”, or “You have to target your marketing” or “Attend networking events”. We are not children, please.
Do not suggest cold calling. For men, calling on potential clients or business partners who are also men, but they don’t know, is easy. Why? Because white men help other white men. It’s called boy’s club for a reason. Show some empathy for women who have a hard time reaching out cold, or even if they are willing to do it, will not be met with the same openness that you are likely to receive.
Do ask questions about what the woman is looking for and how you can help. This sounds rather obvious but I am astounded at how incurious men tend to be even though I have been clear about why I am reaching out. If you are agreeing to talk, then come ready to ask questions and be helpful.
Do offer to make introductions. This is the most important one. Don’t just offer to share names and leave it to us to do the cold call, or even drop your name. It’s far better to make the introduction. Even better….
Contact your colleagues first to give them a heads-up / get their permission to make the introduction. A warm lead like this is far more likely to result in success then just handing over a name.
If you will be at Expo West this week, please come to the event I am hosting: a conversation with Miyoko about the challenges that women face. Either way, I am here to help you learn how to help women.